Dear "Sister"

Dear "Sisters"

I am writing this letter to let you know that I have made the decision to end all contact between us. This decision has not been made lightly. It comes after considerable thought and reflection, and I believe it is necessary for my wellbeing, peace of mind, and future.

Sister A, during the ten years I have lived in my city, you have made little effort to be part of my life as a sister. The few times you have contacted me have been to belittle me or involve yourself in situations that did not concern you. You are not in control of my life, and you never have been. I ask that you focus on your own life and leave mine to me.

Sister B, the last time I saw you, I believed we had a close and loving relationship. That belief changed when you chose to confront and interrogate me in front of one of our aunts about not calling you. When I pointed out that communication works both ways, you replied "That's not how this works". In that moment, I realised that our relationship was not what I thought it was. I no longer felt valued as a brother, but rather as someone you could criticise and diminish when it suited you.

Sister C, I struggle to think of a positive memory from our relationship as siblings. Throughout my childhood, you made it clear that I was unwanted. Whether it was telling me Mum and Dad were going to get rid of me or humiliating me in front of my first boyfriend by telling me you could smell my breath from across the room. Those experiences, along with many others, stayed with me. You have visited my city multiple times without reaching out unless prompted by another family member, and major family events, including the birth of my niece, passed without me even being informed. Those actions told me everything I needed to know about where I stood in your life. Of all of you, you have caused me the deepest hurt, and I have never been given any understanding as to why.

The reality is that none of you have ever truly known me as (my real name). I have spent years feeling as though I was as a problem to manage rather than a person to love. I have been expected to accept criticism, control, and judgement while receiving very little care, respect, or effort in return.

I am no longer willing to participate in that dynamic. You may choose to continue as you always have, but I choose something different.

I choose peace. I choose healing. Most importantly, I choose to move forward.

From this point forward, I do not wish to have any further communication or contact. This includes phone calls, text messages, emails, social media contact, or messages sent through other people. I ask that you respect this boundary and my decision.

I am not writing this letter to argue, revisit the past, or seek agreement. My decision is final, and it is what I believe is best for me moving forward.

I wish you all the best in your lives and hope you can respect my choice.

Goodbye,

Afterthoughts

I wrote the letter above to my sisters just under a month ago, and as of today, I still haven't sent it.

To be honest, I probably never will.

Why?

I honestly couldn't tell you. If I had to put it into words, I'd say it's because I'm not that person. At least, not yet. I'm not ready to let go of my own humanity just to make a point. Sending the letter might give me closure, but it would also reinforce the version of me they've already created in their minds — the villain.

What I am ready to do is let them go.

I know some people will read that and think, "But, Spicy, they're your sisters." The truth is, I don't think they ever really were. Yes we share blood, but we aren’t siblings.

To me, a sister is someone who stands beside you. Someone you can argue with and still know you'll both move past it. Someone who reaches out, even when life gets busy or distance gets in the way. Someone who tells you they love you, and shows it through their actions.

I don't believe that's what we had.

Maybe they loved me once. Maybe they still believe they do. But whatever love existed between us has long since been buried beneath judgement, distance, and indifference.

And yes, that's heartbreaking.

But I've made peace with it.

If accepting that loss means I no longer have to feel like someone people tolerate instead of someone they cherish, then I'll take the sadness that comes with it. Sadness heals. Constant disappointment doesn't.

I am a flower that deserves water, I am a flame that deserves oxygen, I am a river that deserves to keep flowing. I am a person that deserves love.

P.S. I'm genuinely happy with my decision to cut contact. Don't get it twisted — it's sad, of course it is. No one dreams of walking away from their family. But sometimes the healthiest decision is also the hardest one.

For me, choosing peace has brought me happiness, and that's something I no longer feel guilty for.